I could no longer kneel in the sterile bathroom stall, staring vacantly at the expansive bowl beneath me. I had to get my head out, even though I wasn't sure there wasn't another heave coming on. My mind replayed recent blackout events, going over bruises that left an indelible mark when I passed out and fell off of the barstool. I felt my throat tighten as a wave of regurgitated liquor overtook me.

I had to get my head out of there.

The hotel bar had just opened its doors (with the help of a hairpin I keep in my purse for such an emergency). I was in need of a cool alcoholic beverage to soothe the pain in my tummy and the hangover in my brain. I sat upon the comfortable lounge, trying to catch the attention of one of the pink elephants as they waltzed across the room, dressed in glittering tutus right out of Disney's Fantasia. "Damn", I thought. "Someone's going to demand royalties for the use of this likeness in my hangover".

He appeared soon after I had downed a bottle of Thunderbird wine. Things had a tendency to appear the drunker I got. He seemed a little uneasy, as if he were a little startled to be in someone's hangover. The entire bar was devoid of people. I couldn't afford to pay the extras, even in my hangover.

For some reason I could not fathom, I watched him. He was 13 feet tall, with a wooden peg leg and a bright red toupee that flapped in the wind. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a hunting jacket that had a sign on it reading "Tell Dick Cheney I'm not a duck".

His glance briefly met mine. There was a hint of acknowledgement, just as the only two non-elephants in a bar would do. Sheepishly, I looked away. Why on earth did I wear this Little Bo Peep costume anyway? I took another sip of my wine, watching the brown paper bag crumple around the glass bottle. The waiter brought him a drink and placed it on the table in front of him. He took a long sip then reached for his mobile phone. I heard a loud crunch. They make those mobile phones so tiny nowadays. He probably shouldn't have set it down so close to the beernuts.

I glanced around the hotel bar, admiring the trendy decor. Lava lamps are so cool.
I felt his gaze fall upon me. His hazel eyes locked nervously onto mine. He did not smile. His teeth were embedded in that damn mobile phone.

He caught the attention of one of the waiters. I knew he was about to ask for the smoking area of the bar. But how did I know? Probably because there were sparks and flames bursting from the mobile phone.

For the remainder of my drink, we exchanged alternating glances, ensuring our eyes only met for a brief time. Neither of us smiled. I had no teeth either.

There was something way too familiar about him, like some excerpt from a Harlequin Romance novel or a Maxwell House coffee commercial. His casual appearance, the way he stood so tall, the way his body moved, the way he swallowed the broken pieces of that mobile phone.

I took the last sip and signalled the waiter for the bill. Tears pooled in my eyes. I have no money to pay for these drinks. The tightness in my throat returned, choking me this time. Those words echoed in my being.

I had to get back to the bathroom stall. And quickly.

I stood up, grasped my grocery cart, and stumbled past him. I felt his penetrating gaze, and heard his anguished yelp, as my grocery cart rolled over his toes. I did not look back. I did not need to. My aim was good.

I saw him limping.

INFAMOUS YOUR BACK!!!
THE REST OF OUR 6,000 PERSONALITIES MISSED YOU (US)!!!!!!
THAT WILL BE A REALLY GREAT STORY TO READ AS SOON AS I'M SOBER!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. WALLMART IS HAVING A SALE ON EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Infamous, you-we are definitely wasting your-our time here, and not just because you're writing banal, deriviative, TV-dinner-apropos swill that makes even an average episode of Love Boat seem like Shakespeare. Even though our other 900 personalities thoroughly enjoy your-our posts along with Chris Potter, all the other existing members seem to be threatened by you-us and we can't understand why. It could be that axe you're carrying, but the voices in our head think it's jealousy.

Everybody is just so stand-offish and selfish. Why can't they just accept that every post you make is all about you, you, you, and how famous you are? They're so selfish! Those selfish bastards should welcome you incessantly writing about you and your own fantasies in every post you make. They keep asking you who you are, and you repeatedly refuse to tell anybody, except to say that you're famous and they're not. They're all just so stand-offish. They don't want to accept you for who you may or may not be.

It just makes me want to whine and whine and whine about this in every post I've ever made here, over and over and over (except for those posts where I just respond to you with "attaboy, Famous. Keep it up". And yep, those "me too" type of posts sure are loved by everyone who has been on the internet for more than a couple months, right? That's almost as endearing as incessantly whining unsubstantiated, blanket condemnations of "all other existing members" here.)

Maybe if you told us who you really are things would be so much different. (Everyone would know that you're really a 50 year old man who lives in some trailer in New Jersey). It seems that I along with you Famous and other new fans are dealing with a bunch of old timers not ready to take on the new wave of Chris Potter fans who think that Famous is the greatest thing since sliced bread and "all the other existing members" are "nasty". Yep, we're talking about those new wave of fans, every one just coincidentally showing up at almost the same time, claiming to all be some sort of movie industry insiders mysteriously connected to "Chris Potter's people" (whomever they are), and all saying how the old timers are so "nasty and unfair", and no we really aren't all the same person because after all, every single one of us has made a point of mentioning that.

Nevermind that every single one of those old timers was once a newcomer who had to deal with an existing core of "old timers" already here. "Newcomers" like Janine, Margaret, Pan, JG, etc. Somehow, those selfish, stand-offish bastards miraculously managed to become accepted members of the BBS, probably by doing something really selfish and stand-offish such as not incessantly posting blogs about themselves here, or whining, whining, whining how unfair it is to get upset with people who incessantly post blogs about themselves here.

The only person on this site who can actually put all this to rest is Chris Potter himself. Yessir. Not that Carolyn person who actually owns and maintains this site. You know, the one who posted a message urging people to ignore Famous, and depicted the latter as an "attention seeker". No, that Carolyn person doesn't matter. Only Chris Potter can determine what happens upon this BBS.

Chris, if you read all these posts, please tell your old fans to lighten up and get a life so that each one can spend his time incessantly writing a cheesy, sexually oriented, incredibly superficial and banal blog about his own, self-obsessed fantasy-life. And let whoever wants to post on this site do so. It's so terrible that people like me, who whine, whine, and whine unsubstantiated allegations that people are being prevented from posting on this site, can't whine, whine, and whine our unsubstantiated allegations that people are being prevented from posting on this site. It makes me so mad that I just want to whine, whine, whine some unsubstantiated allegations that people are being prevented from posting on this site. I really wish I could do that. But obviously, I can't. So that's why I'm posting this rant. That Carolyn person is so unfair to prevent me from saying all this, over and over and over.

You would all think that this is a great sign for Chris Potter's career, new fans that is, but NOOOO not on this site, only the old can stay, nobody else here is welcome except for those few who came out of the womb as Chris Potter fans because of course, none of them have ever been "new fans" at any time. And of course, they had an Ethernet cable instead of an umbilical cord because none of them were ever new members on this BBS. They were already old-timers on this BBS as soon as they were born. They couldn't have been otherwise because they're "old timers" now.

Everytime Famous posts something everybody gets in an uproar, although I'm not entirely sure how much uproar you get from selfishly standoffish people who are ignoring Famous' posts, but let's not get too logical here.

Everybody is complaining about TROLLS, but it seems that the existing members of this site are the real TROLLS here causing nothing but negativity and mean spirited remarks. That's right, you selfishly stand-offish trolls -- and I mean "everybody"; "all of the existing members".

And those jokes. I really hate to see people making jokes because damn it, I'm famous and nothing I do is utterly silly beyond belief. Hell, I know Chris Potter's people so you had damn well better not be making jokes about me, no matter how unbelieveably silly and preposterous are these things I'm saying. Absolutely unfair and not very nice at all. Don't make jokes about my post where I, as a new fan of Chris, allege that "new fans of Chris cannot post here". That's so unfair.

Carolyn, please justify why Famous or any of us new fans of Chris cannot post here? Could you please explain to me why none of my many whining posts, such as this one, aren't appearing here? Don't try to deny it either, you evil snake woman. I demand to know why I am being denied the right to post this message that you're reading right now on this BBS. If you go through all the posts none of them are negative or mean spirited unless you count the posts where I call "all the existing members" of this BBS "selfish" and "stand-offish". And you can't count those posts because I'm a new member and therefore can't post here. So those posts don't exist. Allegedly.

Let us all be and enjoy this site like it should be, but no jokes. We don't want you to enjoy yourselves too much. Let's have everyone here either post nothing but his/her own personal blogs about his/her life, or post whining accusations about how they're being prevented from posting here.

Until now we have not been given a chance for any of you selfish, stand-offish trolls to get to know us or interact with us properly. Well, ok, we have told you all about how we dream about Chris while we're in the bathtub, and how we're sure he wants to jump our bones, and we're so famous nobody can know who we are, and how we want to have a romantic candlelit dinner with him because even though he's married, we're sure he'd cheat on his wife in a heartbeat with us. But damn it, you selfish, standoffish people won't give us a chance to bore you with even more ridiculously silly blogs about ourselves.

I enjoy certain posts and not others. I read and post on the ones I like. I write "great story, Famous", "we missed you, famous", "please entrance me-us with more blogs about me-us". That is, when I'm not posting accusations that I can't post here. No sirree. I can't. And I ignore the ones I don't like. It's called maturity, except when the rest of you follow Carolyn's advice to do that, it's called being stand-offish.

WE LOVE CHRIS AND ARE BIG FANS OF HIS (but obviously some of us love ourselves more, and are bigger fans of ourselves). WE WOULD LIKE IT IF WE COULD ACTUALLY GET ALONG - THE WORLD IS SO BAD WHY CAN'T THIS BE A NICE PLACE TO COME TO? GIVE US A CHANCE! At least, that's what Yoko Ono shrieked on the recording of "Give peace a chance", and she's the only person whose whining is more annoying than mine.

P.S. To anyway who thinks this "joke" is "nasty or unfair", you can sod off. It's on-the-money and well-deserved as far as I'm concerned.

Jeepers, IQ! You forgot to reinforce your true fanniness by telling us how much you enjoyed seeing a movie that never got released. (My apologies to the Aussies in the group. I've been told that word means something altogether different in OZ than it does in the US.)

You really are falling down on the job. Of course, you aren't allowed to post here, so I don't see how you could do otherwise.

By the way, I think it's great that, as a movie industry insider, you maintain that idealized glow about the talent (all of) you have to work with. Most insiders are pretty blasé after a few years (or minutes) of standing around in the rain in the wee hours of the morning while the camera moves (and while the actors are warm and dry in their trailers); or after waiting around for hours as actors barricade themselves in their trailers or show up late for call or blow lines continuously or throw their props into the bushes or stalk off because the director wants a close-up at 3am and we don't look our best at 3am. (not that Mr. Potter has EVER been reported as having done that kind of thing, I'm speaking generally here) That kind of hard-core starry-eyedness is hard to maintain. Kudos to you.

Pan

PS, the greatest thing about being born without an umbilical cord is - no belly button. That's how you can tell the old timers from the newtimers. We all have cable jacks instead.

Completely ridiculous posts and a waste of time at that.

Carmen, our resident CP bloodhound, tells me that a certain movie actually has been released. (where? Carmen, where?) I stand red-faced and corrected.